Executed X-Men

I didn’t grow up in the X-Men generation, so I approach the X-Men, its characters, story and iterations (the comics, cartoons, spin-offs and the several versions of each) as something I’ve missed, albeit am unwilling to pursue since, well, let’s face it, I’ve outgrown it.

Ok, clarification. I have learned to appreciate other genres, hence need to disperse my attention on a more general plane. Yes, that sounds right. At least better than saying I’m old.

Buuut anyway. Oh yeah, the movie.

First thing you’ll notice from the first 30 minutes onwards is the apparent haste in which this movie is disposing off its stars. I suppose I should be careful lest the reader hadn’t watched it yet (Cyclopse and Xavier are DEEEAAADDD!), but the movie’s goal it seems is to start anew two, maybe three years from now, with a whole new cast and (better?) contracts to maintain them.

Storm (Halle Berry) and Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) are, of course, still very much around. As with Rogue, although at a dramatically diminished role, which is a pity since she’s my favorite character in the X-men Evolution cartoons, the only ones I’ve watched.

Plot is thin, which is expected of X-Men flicks. See, films like X-Men don’t and shouldn’t take a lot of brain activity, and so little effort is exerted in that effort. You got your good guys and your bad guys, and you spend pretty much most of the time wondering how the movie character live up to the one you’re familiar with in the cartoon or comics. Put in your cuteness factor (“Hey the gardener’s Stan Lee!!”), a little romantic subplot between the gorgeous angsty hunk and ravaging emotionally mixed-up beauty, and voila.

Oh well ok, there is a plot. And from memory (I’m trying real hard to remember here..), it’s to do with a mutant with the power to remove other mutant’s powers and from whom a ‘cure’ is derived. Both factions of X-men have their own way to deal with the issue, one of course, the evil and therefore wrong way, which is to dispose of threat in heavy-handed fashion, and the other the noble and correct way, which is.. I’m not really sure actually. Either I wasn’t paying attention (and rightfully so), or the heroes just didn’t have time to develop a plan and had to deal with the bad guys. Whichever.

The highlight of the movie was a big battle scene set at Alcatraz, where Gandalf Magneto displays the X-Men trick of all tricks, which is to lift the Golden Gate bridge off of its base and float it in the air to the island. Amm-tastically-mamazing. With powers like that, you’d think Jean Grey’s (Famke Janssen) could do more than get water and stones to fly around the air. Which is probably the same as I’d say for the big dramatic scene which also took place here, featuring Wolverine’s heroic stand (“I’m the only one who can deal with her!”, or something like that), his equally heroic march (“Urrrgghh! Unnnggghh! AAArrrgghh!”), and final act of sacrifice.

I felt so moved that I caught myself thinking “I should be feeling moved!”, and probably should have, if it weren’t for feeling confused at its end than anything.

The way I see it, the X-Men movies are a carnival. A whomping, stomping, loud and colorful carnival where you can laugh, cry, roar and scream all night, and then again the next day. The key to the X-men are its varied characters, all with interesting plots and a thousand different directions. That’s why there are so many types and version of it. That’s why any of them had been so successful over the years. That’s why it’ll live on for 50 or 100 more years.

The problem is, we don’t have all night and next day. We’ve only three hours, and even then barely enough after the thin plot and the comparisons between movie and cartoon/comic character, to feel empathy towards them. And empathy is what this movie lacks. At the moment Wolverine stabs the woman he loves, you are supposed to feel your heart collapse with dispair. Unfortunately, the story didn’t evolve well enough to allow that. Instead, we are reflecting on Rogue’s decision to become human. Or Magneto’s regret at seeing his good friend die. Or wondering whatever happened to Cyclopse (and why they didn’t even ask where he is), and a hundred other things.

It’s just too much trying to happen with too little time. At least in X-Men 2, they concentrated on Wolverine’s story (unfortunately killing off the delicious looking Kelly Hu), so there was some focus. Unfortunately, Nightcrawler (Alan Cumming) is also gone in this one, which sucks because he was a very interesting character. Incidentally, another and constant distraction for me, as I catch myself wondering why they couldn’t come to terms.

Postcript: When Magneto mentioned that in a battle, the pawns go first (to die), and that apparently, there are Class 3 and Class 5 type mutants, depending on how strong they are, I kept thinking of The Mystery Men, definitely Class 1 types and how they must have been in that first wave. It’d have been great to see (or not see), The Invisible Boy, (who’s only invisible when nobody’s around), the Shoveller (William H. Macy, my fave actor), and especially, Ben Stiller as Mr. Furious, whose power it is to get “really, really” angry.

[tag]x-men, halle berry, hugh jackman, cyclopse, xavier, storm, wolverine, ian mckellan, magneto[/tag]

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