I’ve been surrogate parent to my 2 nieces and nephew for the past 2 weeks since their mom has gone abroad. Lemme write down whats been going on:
- The 19 year old is running for a Student Council position at UP and I don’t agree with her wild schedule that makes her go home near midnight almost daily. I’ve cleared most of it with her mom but I’ve pretty much made it clear making us worry isn’t cool. I don’t understand why she doesn’t wanna learn how to drive, I’d imagine teens would jump at a chance to learn because of the eventual next step – a car of their own, and besides we live so far away it’d definitely help her out. For the most part however she’s easy to deal with, it’s just the sched, and besides after seeing the traffic at our place she’s probably doing the right thing by not having to deal with that craziness everyday.
- The 16 year old is so far the harder study. He’s the most introspective by far and spends a lot of time thinking things through. He’s the one I most want to learn to start thinking for himself, as like most boys, he’s given way too leeway, allowed to waste hours wasting time either playing games, procrastinating, or mostly just doing – nothing. He reminds me of a lot of the boys in anime stories – spending a lot of time staring out in space and not having an opinion or even knowledge of things going on around them. As a result they’re often teased as a waste of space. Naturally they’d resent that, and because they’re not versed in expressing their thoughts retreat further into themselves.
The expression part is where I think I can help. I’m glad I can relate to his enjoyment of video games, which we talk about and compare. He also likes to watch American Idol, which I watch with him and encourage him to develop an opinion about. I guess that’s mostly what I want him to develop – the ability to form a learned opinion, and not just resort to the dreaded ‘k lang’ or ‘abnormal!’ general expressions that are too inconclusive. We’ve talked a great deal about movies which he’d have to watch a lot of to fill up hours of boredom and I’ve prodded him to try and determine why he likes one and dislikes another, inspite of one having just as many effects, etc. Amazingly it’s worked, and the level of our discussions are getting smarter and involving more detail, meaning he’s paying attention.
I guess this is where my belief of how the Filipino middle class males will come out, so I’ll say it out loud: Generally, my observation is that Pinoy guys are mama’s boys. This is probably because moms coddle their boys far too much, and a development of personality, expression or opinion – important ingredients to developing a distinct character – is not rewarded. Add to this Filipino society’s non-appreciation of dissenting opinion and ‘hiya’ to speak out, and we develop guys who don’t feel the need to think out of the box. So mostly we’ve got guys who just pursue goals out of duty to family but without a deeper appreciation or understanding of why they do what they do. Of course, you can survive your whole life perfectly ignorant and even devoid of this, but when faced with bigger decisions in life, such as facing immorality or dealing with corruption in government for example, they will lack the moral or intellectual foundation to make a stand and force change.
Ok maybe I’m stepping out the boundaries of my original post, but hey why not, or maybe I just need to enlarge my circle of friends. For the most part though after 39 years of observing fellow Pinoys, whenever I meet a new guy the onus has unfortunately but deservedly fallen on him to prove he is otherwise.
- Finally the 13 year old, and I see a true Kikay in the making (I should know). Once the three of us along with the 16 year old were coming home in the car, and she asked us what ‘our favorite mythical character is’, in a question designed for us to ask her same. The 16 year old of course said he wanted to be a werewolf or some such macho thing, while I resorted to Ronald McDonald, McBurglar or that Purple mascot thing whose purpose, to this day, remains a mystery, arguing that I can have as many burgers I want. When it came her time, I imagined that she would say ‘Fairy’, and lo and behold she said: ‘I want to become a Fairy!’. It was cute as heck and predictable, and I decided then that the correct path for her would eventually be to teach her the one thing I know that’d help anyone who’d want to go into anything Kikays are good at, whether they end up in publishing, design, or a related field: good presentation skills.
So when summer comes, we’ll draw up something she’s thought about on paper, I’ll buy paint and we’ll repaint the garage with her design. I know it’s very ’50 First Dates’, but I’ve been thinking about that for quite awhile. I want to teach her to bring an image she imagines up into fruition by drawing up plans, gathering necessary materials, and then executing it – necessary skills for when you want to make a presentation of any sort from a simple sales pitch to a fashion photo shoot or even theatre props. Now that her mom managed to buy a nice camera abroad, I’ll teach her to practice with that as well, all the benefits of which are very long term. That way she can be as Kikay as she wants, as long as she can back it up with real valuable skillz.
Notice I’ve not tried to teach either to write. I don’t think it can be taught, actually, which we shall explore in another post. Meanwhile it’s almost 11am and I have to pick up the 13 year old from school, it’s her exams today.