Since I can remember. Which is why it was very difficult for me to make the decision to finally decide to forego contributing to the Philippine Daily Inquirer. Partly because I had been doing it off and on for five years, and partly because it is just time for me to do so.
Events of the past few months have seen my schedule reach toxic levels. Just last night I realized I was doing two different things on two computers, one of which was beside my bed as I lay down trying to keep from falling asleep. I did so anyway, and woke up at 1am and 3am to work on them even more. It has been that kind of busy for me for the better part of the last few months now, and I just cannot find the time anymore to do the necessary things to remain as such, which is primarily, attending events. Writing about these is easy enough, but all the necessary events and event – related stuff is just too much of a time – eater. Since I feel I cannot do a good enough job, I therefore feel it apt that this responsibility go to someone else. In my mind, someone younger and who’d jump at the chance to experience these, as I did when I started out.
And with that I close with finality an important chapter of my life. Mind you I’ve always known the time would come, and it’s one hundred percent clear to me that this is the best thing to do. I can’t say I don’t hope that others would feel the same, and sadly that is not the case. But having said that I wish they’d wish me the best as well, as I would always, always do for them.
I can only look forward to good things now. No, really, great things, while at the same time, looking with pride at the past. I have never been one to promote myself, and being a writer, for me, is the epitome of that. A writer writes with his heart, and in his heart of hearts he is who he is without pretension, affectation or vanity. If you allow yourself one measure of falsehood in your craft, it will show in what you produce. Hence, a true writer, I believe, will only write what is real and what is true to him. And self – promotion, self – absorption, and ego can never be a part of that. I really believe that. If you cannot make it so, then you are just producing words, or most likely, trash. If you write with your heart, and write as you see things via it, then you will produce reality and truth. And this will always be beautiful.
I learned all this from writing. Writing has taken me far and wide both physically and introspectively, as all forms of creativity should. It shouldn’t be easy. It should be hard. It should make you wake up in a sweat, or run to the nearest computer, pen or paper to write what you feel. It should make you celebrate when you finish, and tug and sweat while you’re making it. And most importantly, it should make you a vessel from which truth finds a way to speak.
Although I may not have done all that as often as I would have liked, the fact I learned thus has made me all the better for it. And as far as learning from experiences go, I cannot ask for more.
Thus, learning such, I need to apply this in my life, and the time has come to grow further with what I have learned. It’s just time, that’s all, and the situation that I am in now calls for it.
But lastly, I am aware, these situations arise from other reasons as well. You see, inasmuch as it seems that I appear as if I do not care, I’d like to make it clear that I am aware of God’s hand in everything I do. I’ve always said this, and I’ll say it again. In all things involved in my life, God has a plan for me. I trust in Him completely.